Seems I was slow on the draw with this article that I actually wrote to post someplace newsy.  I'm posting it here despite the fact that it's not the typical style for this blog.  

             I'm not ashamed to admit that I was looking forward to "The Interview," the new comedy from perennial stoners Seth Rogan and James Franco.  But I'm gonna have to make new plans for Christmas Day, since it will no longer be showing in American theatres.  Thanks Obama!  Oh, I mean Thanks Sony!

            What led up to this?  Well, "The Interview" reportedly angered North Koreans since it…you know, openly mocks their leader.  Kim Jong Un, of course, was rumored to have fed his own Uncle to wild dogs, has outlawed anyone having his name, and is generally a crazy cuckoo-pants.  He also seriously needs to fire his stylist.  Right before thanksgiving, it was believed that angry fans of "Dear Leader" hacked into Sony's most secure servers.  The hackers called themselves Guardians of Peace or "GOP."  Embarrassing exposures ranged from the new James Bond script, to tons of private Emails and some bullcrap about Alex Trebek not wanting to reshoot Jeopardy around a kid's temper tantrum.  The massive hack left Sony angry and embarrassed.  The FBI is still investigating.

            Cut to December 17^th, and several major theatre chains refused to show the film after GOP released a warning that included the message: "Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made…the world will be full of fear…remember the 11^th of September 2001."  Sony has since decided to indefinitely postpone the release of "The Interview."  So I guess that means that the terrorists got exactly what they wanted.

            Theatre chains declining to show the film include Regal, AMC, Carmike, Cineplex, and Bowtie.  I imagine more would have joined this group if Sony had not decided to pull the film altogether.  The statements from the theatres and from Sony all lamented the decision, reiterated their commitment to artistic freedom, and then said that safety was the most important thing.  Odd, because usually when people talk about America, it's the freedom that takes center stage.  Would theatres or Sony Pictures be responsible for those hurt in a terrorist attack protesting "The Interview?"  Of course not.  The terrorists would be.  But Sony is responsible for giving in to those who would use fear to gain control over others. 

            In the immediate aftermath of the Sony hack, ponderings that it may have been North Korea were quickly shouted down by both Sony and the FBI.  In recent days, Gizmodo , CNN, and Kaspersky  have all asserted North Korean involvement according to their own sources.  Internet wags have wasted no time in pointing out other times American films have mocked world leaders.  Team America: World Police spoofed Kim Jong Il relentlessly, causing controversy—but nothing that delayed the film's release.  Trey Parker and Matt Stone have never been shy about ridiculing dictators from Osama Bin Laden, to Saddam Hussein, and even showing a cartoon of the prophet Mohammed back before people were routinely murdered for doing so.

            Cynics are wondering aloud whether this is all some giant publicity stunt.  I don't see how.  I also can't see how a decision that will surely lead to massive illegal pirating could possibly be helpful to Sony.  Does anybody honestly believe they'd allow the new James Bond script to be leaked to promote a Seth Rogan movie?  No offense to Mr Rogen, but I don't fucking think so. 

            Can a company truly support freedom of artistic expression if they're pulling films because people are upset by the content?  I don't see how.  Are we really a free society when humor is stifled at the behest of terrorists?  Freer than some, perhaps, but not as free as we claim to be.  I certainly hope Sony won't keep "The Interview" under wraps for much longer.  A Video-on-Demand release seems inevitable, yet no one has confirmed that anyone is even discussing it.

            To some, a stoner comedy like "The Interview" may not be vital or important enough to warrant this kind of attention.  But that's not the point.  It's also not about whether you like James Franco, think Seth Rogan has a dumb laugh, or believe that mocking people is mean.  If pioneering smut peddler Larry Flint has taught us anything, it's that every form of expression needs to be protected, even those we don't personally like—even under the threat of arrest, censure, or terrorist threat.  Otherwise, we're not protecting freedom.  We'd just be sticking up for things we already like. 

            

I like to take walks at this time of day (6am). I took one this morning after an oddly timed nap (less than half a brownie was WAY too much, apparently). There weren't many people around except random dog walkers. I chatted with one this morning, nice guy. Nobody I'd talked to before. Then this happened:

*chat, chat, chat*

They: "Are you married?"

Me: Yes

They: "How long?"

Me: *tells him*

They: "You guys have kids?"

Me: Nope, just some cats.

They: "That's good."

Me: ... I'm sorry?

They: "I don't wanna talk out of turn, but you shouldn't be having babies with a guy who's...like that."

Me: Like what?

They: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's none of my business. You have a good day now." *walks away with dog*

Me: *thinking* WTF, seriously? If I knew the guy or knew he knew who H was, I'd assume he was racist. But I didn't know what the hell to think.

I came home and was pretty pissed off. I went into the bathroom to splash some water on me, and see that while I was napping, my recently touched up blue hair left a bit of a smear on my cheek and to the left of my eye. In low light, it looked like someone beat the crap out of my face.

So in reality, my neighbor was trying to be a nice guy. In retrospect, it would not have been ridiculous for him to have reacted even more strongly. I want to correct this impression of my wonderful husband, but I didn't even ask the guy his name--so I have no idea who he is. He's the guy with some kind of doberman mix on the other side of the complex.

Sorry, neighborman. You're alright by me!
I promise, NOBODY smacks me around.

I meant to have H take these pics and post them over the weekend. But them my weekend got kinda wild. Plus you know, I'm not in the habit of posting pics of my whole self online. As much as I talk a good game about fat acceptance, I'm still rather fearful of what haters will say to a fattie like me--because I secretly fear that whatever it is, they are right. That I'm a fatty-fatty-two-by-four (thought what the hell kind of FAT measurement that is, I do not know) who deserves a steaming cup of derision. Yeah...still working on that.


But you know what? Fuck it.
This is what I look like in my new Max pajamas.
No makeup, hell, I didn't even shower today.

And look how goddamn happy I am!

Wolf girls in da house represent!
(I uh...didn't have a scepter handy)

So yeah...I'll eat you up, and soforth.

It's come to my attention that I've been doing comics for Resilient Brainforest for 6 whole months, including the initial one-pager about fireflies rescuing their comrade who is caught in a mason jar.
I know, right? With that in mind, I've decided it's time to go ahead and post a teaser for the comic I've been doing.
Stig & the Puppetman are two serial killers who share an apartment in the Big City. Stig murders women and cooks them into stew. Puppetman drives an ice cream truck and likes to turn children into fanciful marionettes.
Every month, our fearless editor gives us a theme. I've been turning that theme into a 3-4 page comic. This month, the theme is SEX. So here's a snippet from page one:



You will note that I am not an artist, even in the loosest sense of the word. Still, I think it's pretty funny.

I think Daniel Tosh is pretty funny. I'm also a fan of Family Guy, South Park, and a few other humorous programs that are largely aimed at boys in their 20's. I further think that Trey and Matt, Seth McFarland, Dave Chapelle and Daniel Tosh are much smarter than they appear and some are masters at their particular craft. (Okay, Tosh is no John Oliver, but he's getting there.) This week, rape-victims and non rape-victims alike have raised their collective voices in declaring blood feud against Daniel Tosh after an incident during a recent stand-up gig.

Let's start with the amusing headline Daniel Tosh wishes rape on heckler, shall we? A stand up comedian is doing some stand up comedy. The comedian is Daniel Tosh, and some of the comedy is about rape. Carlin did rape jokes, as did Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Wanda Sykes, and plenty of other people whose names escape me at the moment. And some woman in the audience thought she ought to tell Tosh that "rape jokes are never funny." Apparently, she thought was the US Secretary of Comedy or some shit...

Forbidden Humor is a conversation I've had with plenty of passionate, well-meaning people of both genders. In brief, I think:
--No topic should ever be completely off limits for comedy.
--Comedy is FAR too valuable as a coping tool for anyone to create an arbitrary standard for which subjects no one may be allowed to take lightly.
--There's a difference between "this isn't funny to me" and "joking about this is morally wrong."
--Saying no subject should be off limits is NOT the same as defending any particular joke regardless of taste, hate-quotient, cruel intent, or ignorance.

As to this particular incident, I can understand why people are upset. But I reject the characterization that Tosh "wished rape" on a woman because he heckled her back. If you find tasteless jokes upsetting, going to see Tosh seems like a dumb thing to do. If you didn't know how offended you'd be, the polite thing to do is to leave quietly if it becomes too much for you. If you're SO offended that you feel you have NO OPTION other than to interrupt someone's rehearsed performance, by all means feel free to do so.
But bear in mind though that you've voluntarily climbed into the hot seat, surrounded by people who have paid good money to cheer the other guy. He has to keep control of the room or he's sunk. What kind of a reaction was she expecting? Would it have been less rude of him to tell her to go the fuck home?

So no, Tosh heckling back during a set of rape jokes does not really equal him "wishing" that some rude woman in a club gets gang raped...at least not to anyone who's ever met a human being before. We all say stupid shit when we're flustered, tired, angry, nervous, whatever. Granted, Tosh has a long history of tasteless jokes and plenty of things that anger feminists. And like my experiences with American Psycho, I can't fucking stand it when my liberal feminists pals feel like they get to judge me or label me as "part of the problem," or the omnipresent threat of unfriending all who disagree. Yeah, that's why America has free speech, so we can refuse to talk to each other like a bunch of fucking playground babies if we disagree and are also angry...that'll solve everything.

From my own experience, I've been heckled while speaking to a crowd. I heckled back, and know that someone laughed somewhere in there. After the speech, I needed to ask other people what I'd actually said because I had no fucking idea. I was so nervous I wanted to puke. I could have called my heckler a lesbian Hitler in blackface and I wouldn't have fucking remembered.

Let's look for a mo' at what this heckler had to say for herself: I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman. I don’t sit there while someone tells me how I should feel about something as profound and damaging as rape.

Ah, so essentially, she didn't want to be disruptive, she had to. Being polite was against her values...her values that said she needed to let a comedian know in the middle of his act that she didn't find him funny. And when the guy trying to perform had the nerve to disagree, her values dictated that she continued to argue with him. You know, for all rape victims everywhere...or something.

Honestly, I'm not trying to mock her. I'm trying to point out how stupid it is to make some sort of ridiculous faux stand in a rude way and then attack the performer because his off the cuff reaction was no less to your liking than his prepared remarks. No one is forcing you to hear comedy that you don't like. And comedy that you don't like isn't hurting you. And making a joke about rape isn't the same as laughing AT someone who's been raped.

Was Tosh's joke tasteless? Sure, probably. Does him making that joke necessarily mean that he delights in violent sexual assault and daydreams about his hecklers being sodomized? No.
Does this woman need to be "less sensitive?" Also No. But if she doesn't like a show, she should not see it, or protest through the usual channels, or tell Tosh after the show, or be ready for a shitstorm when she starts one.
Honestly, some of the stuff on Tosh's show grosses me out and I have to turn away lest I start gagging. See how that works, I can stop watching something instead of insisting that everything my eyes can see has to tailor itself to my specific tastes. Ahhhhhhhh...merica!

EDIT: (Saturday morning, 3:34am) I didn't think this needed explaining, but apparently it does. The Daniel Tosh you see on TV and in stand-up is a character. You know, like the way Stephen Colbert plays a character. Yes, it's a radically different character. But it's baffling to me how many people honestly think that Tosh was literally saying that he'd enjoy and find humor in a woman being violently gang raped in front of him. And more baffling considering how many of the people going batshit about it are every bit as sarcastic as Tosh. Oh, sarcasm isn't supposed to be taken literally? You don't say? I presumed that if the subject matter was uncomfortable, I was supposed to assume everything said is intended literally. Else how can I show my solidarity/support for rape victims?
I'm also growing weary of the overwhelming percentage of people who feel they must quantify their remarks by revealing whether or not they've been raped. That's just weird to me. I don't get it.

Apparently I also need to point out that I don't think rape is hilarious as a rule. I understand fully that it's a horrible thing, a serious issue, and something all men should be taught from childhood is a gross violation of the very concept of humanity. That's exactly why it can be vital to use humor to address, diffuse, and deconstruct so-called rape culture. While one could certainly argue that this was not Tosh's intention, look at the discourse that's happened due to this event. It ranges from mindless to profound, and rises to the level of a internet trollish car wreck, but people have discussed rape more in the last three days since the last time they tried to arrest Julian Assange.
And SOME people have to walk away from that with a greater understanding of the issues surrounding rape than they had going in.

I'm working on a short story for an anthology sub.
But H is hungry, and I am too, so I was taking a break to clean the kitchen before I cook the thanksgiving casserole H has been wanting for a while.
Ground chicken, various veggies, and a bag of cornbread stuffing mix with stock and everything, baked in the oven. We have mushers, broccoli, leeks and vidalias, green and yellow zucchini, that sort of thing.

Anyway, I see H at my keyboard. "Hahahaha," I joke. "So I guess now my story takes place on a spaceship and has boobs in it, right?" Mind you, I was totally kidding about H actually altering my story. He would never do that, ever.
Until today...

I sit down and see this tacked on to the end:

I woke up to the site of boobs. Boobs everywhere. I didn’t know what was going on. There [sic] size was unbelievable. I thought I must've been dreaming still. I punched myself in the face real hard to check and see; but no, I was awake. Then I realized that it must be some kind of hologram like in star trek. That, or I was on some drugs. But it didn't do drugs. That was for gays and poor people so it was the star trek thing and I thought if I was on star trek that would be sweet like the time the robot was doing it with that girl from pet sematery. She was pretty hot...

I found it chilling it its realism. LOL

I presume that most of you have heard about this thing with Michigan musician Evan Emory and his YouTube vid.

Briefly, He went to a classroom and recorded himself singing a totally appropriate kids song for a bunch of kids. This was filmed. He went back later and performed a filthy song (with no kids in the room, or in the building at all), spliced the footage, and put it on the YouTube (with disclaimers). Hilarity ensues, right? Not so much...

Mr. Emory was initially charged with a couple of felonies (including Manufacturing Child Pornography!), and they wanted to make him register as a sex offender. I've talked here several times about the sex offender registry and how it's utter bullshit designed to make people feel safer than they are. Don't leave your kids alone with ANYONE you don't know well, rather than assuming someone is safe because they aren't on some stupid fucking list. This case illustrates once again that lots of people on that registry are there for reasons that have nothing to do with children, force, or hurting anyone. Yes, you can get on it for having sex with your spouse in a car, getting caught with a prostitute, making a porno without proper permits, peeing in the park (if someone sees you), and now...singing a song.

Mr Emory is still dealing with tons of shit over this, and the parents are spouting some of the most ridiculous garbage I've ever heard. I will concede that maybe the kid's faces should have been used with permission. But that is hardly a sex crime. Here's a few bits of parental brilliance:

...when she saw her daughter's face, which appeared in the very beginning of the video, she was nearly ill. "I left work," she said, adding that she went to the school and spoke to school officials about the incident.
Translation: I was watching YouTubes instead of doing my fucking job. Then I saw something I didn't like, so I used that as an excuse to leave work. I was suddenly NOT too ill to go yell at someone who had nothing to do with the thing I'm angry about, and could have addressed with a phone call. That's how much I care.

Tony Tague said the felony charge was justifiable because the video was "disturbing" and clearly "victimized" the youngsters in the classroom.
Yes, because either the children already spend a ton of time watching filthy vids (how else would they have seen it?), or they were shown the vid by someone on purpose. Either way, WTF and that makes no sense. Maybe the kids were "victimized" the way Aspinctersayswhat victimized someone. They are the butt of a silly joke for a second...except in this case, the kids were not aware of it--or wouldn't have been, had the parents not gone batshit.

“An innocence was taken, something we as parents try very hard to keep, something we hold sacred and dear was taken from the kids.”
How so? How does this hurt the kids in any way except that instead of paying attention to them, you're focusing on this bullshit? What the hell are you ever referring to here? You *do* understand that the children did not hear the filthy song, they were home for the day when the dirty song was recorded. The song they reacted to was perfectly clean. The vid has since been removed from the internet. I can't even see it, and believe me, I'd love to.

It is well established that regardless of whether or not the comedy is to my taste, that nothing is too sacred to be the stuff of comedy. I have always said that, and I continue to say it. In this case, I can just shake my head sadly and wish that my fellow Michiganians (Michiganders?) weren't so fucking stupid.
If what they want to say is, "I'm pissed that my kid was used in this vid because I'm not comfortable with the subject matter, and I want it taken down," fine. But what they're actually saying is "This kid is a child pornographer who damaged my child and should go to prison as a sex offender so he can be raped by large men as punishment for putting my kid in an internet video that I don't like."

And that, my friends, is fuckery of the highest order.

People bitch a lot online about Free Speech. Most of them don't know what the fuck they're talking about and assert some variation of "You can't disagree with me, I have Free Speech!" They don't seem to realize that Free Speech refers to the government declaring that you are a criminal for the things you say. THIS is the kind of Free Speech we need to be protecting,the kind people want to silence because they don't happen to agree, the kind people make inflated, alarmist, absurd claims about to bolster their ignorant points. It disgusts me, frankly.

So, you parents who are SO offended? Your kids are all in therapy, right? You've taken them to a doctor to make sure their trauma is minimized? You've joined a support group for the parents of children whose innocence was stolen? You've now read numerous books on PTSD in children and are looking for someone certified in EMDR? No?
Oh, you're just sitting on your asses bitching and knowing goddamn well that unless YOU're the one traumatizing them, your kids aren't traumatized at all...so STFU plz thx bai.


On a completely unrelated topic, I finally outlined the end of The Finster Effect. This is big news, since I always have issues with deciding how things should end. I'm super stoked and should have it redrafted in a couple of weeks. Can't reveal too much now, but everything is coming together in accordance with my sinister plan(s).

I've posted before about the town of Wednesbury, pronounced "WENZ burry." Since I actually do know people in the UK, you'd think that someone would send me a sweet photo of them waving from a "Welcome to Wednesbury" sign, or some sort of arial photo that shows that the town was built in the shape of me. No dice.

But now...

I've just learned that there is a Museum and Gift Shop(pe) in Wednesbury.
And NOT ONE SINGLE ONE of YOU have sent me a gift from it.

What. The. Fuck. ???

Seriously people, I can send you American crap like Mountain Dew, Zippo lighters, or cheap Korean plastic if you want it. But I have no means to get myself any cool Wednesbury swag. And I'm not famous enough yet that people are sending me this kind of stuff "just because."
So yeah, if you guys could get on that for me, I sure would appreciate it.

And if you want to do something nice for me, but you're in America--why don't you sucker punch the next 5 people you hear using the expression "Hump Day." I despise that expression.

That's right, I have promised the world A Spoonful of Murder in five days, and that is what I shall give them. I've been editing my ass off in GarageBand, putting together some awesome (if marginally recorded) audio performances with tons of original music (and some Beethoven that is "just" an original performance) and a few cool sound effects. FYI, my next signing is THIS SATURDAY at Michigan Theatre in Jackson. Doors open at 10pm, Reading and Q&A roundabout 10:30. Rocky Horror Picture Show starts at 11:30pm. (Admission $10) Hope to see one or more of you there!

A couple people went way over and beyond in terms of helping out and giving freely of their time on this disc. Other people flaked on me to varying degrees. I got today off work (meaning that I now have to work the DAY OF my signing) to edit some stuff that I'm now not actually getting until tomorrow...or even Wednesday. That is sucky. Because despite my actually NOT being a huge procrastinator (this time) I'm still way behind and stressed out about it. So that elicits both a Yay! and a Fie!

H brought me breakfast from Panera Bread. There was am asiago bagel sammy with bacon, egg and cheese. AND a spinach and artichoke souffle. Needless to say, that is actually two meals. Just over half of each is waiting for me to finish this post so that it can be eaten by me. Yay! Panera breakfast can tell McDonalds breakfast to STFU.
H went out to get the latest issue of this because it has some code for his Star Trek game in it. Original uniforms, I think. They didn't have it. Fie. Small gestures like this remind me about the myriad ways that H makes my life better. Not only is he unfailing hardworking, moral, loving, and kind; but he makes me aspire to be all these things as well. He's great. When I see how many people merely settle for their partners, it makes me feel sad...and damn lucky.

You may have heard that we now have Health Care Reform. It comes in the form of NO public option. You know what? I'll take it. Simply forcing insurance companies to NOT blatantly fuck us over will help a lot of people very much. This was probably the best we could hope for, considering how some people are so very sure that *gasp* they might be paying to help people who aren't them--and that is, for some reason, unacceptable. Some people really would rather marginalize ALL poor people than "allow" someone to have something they don't think is "deserved." Apparently promoting general welfare does not include anything beyond the legal right to collect and employ leeches. :-/ That may be because most teabaggers don't even know what the hell they're protesting. Or it may be because people don't want to be "forced" to pay for things they don't want.
That's why MY taxes shouldn't go to: foreign wars, corporate bailouts, abstinence-only education, busting potheads, schools for kids I don't even have, firemen for people in houses I don't live in, police I don't even call (very often), or health care for members of congress. Oh wait, I don't get to pick everything my taxes go to...maybe I should fly into some building in Texas. Goodness knows if I don't, Barack the Magic Negro will take my guns, kill my grandmother, and make me be an atheist Nazi Muslim who gets government funded abortions all day and enables terrorists by refusing to torture them all night.
But I digest [sic].

Because every Monday post should end with something amazing: Falafel Waffles. Complete with bonus tips on easily peeling garbanzo beans for the smoothest hummus EVAR. It's making me want to cab it to the grocery store right now. But no, tonight is salmon and risotto with mushroom and mustard greens. Mmmmm... H wanted alfredo pasta. While I see his point, that's a tad indulgent even for us. ;-]

Need more Awesome in your day?
Here's some nerdy humor that works on many levels:


My thought for the week: Why settle for something "fine," when with a little extra effort (okay, maybe a LOT of extra effort) you can make something extraordinary. Duh, right? But you'd be surprised how often I'm tempted to do an okay job at something and be done with it. Not author stuff, but other stuff.