Whaddaya MEAN You've Never Heard of Me?!?

Seems I was slow on the draw with this article that I actually wrote to post someplace newsy.  I'm posting it here despite the fact that it's not the typical style for this blog.  

             I'm not ashamed to admit that I was looking forward to "The Interview," the new comedy from perennial stoners Seth Rogan and James Franco.  But I'm gonna have to make new plans for Christmas Day, since it will no longer be showing in American theatres.  Thanks Obama!  Oh, I mean Thanks Sony!

            What led up to this?  Well, "The Interview" reportedly angered North Koreans since it…you know, openly mocks their leader.  Kim Jong Un, of course, was rumored to have fed his own Uncle to wild dogs, has outlawed anyone having his name, and is generally a crazy cuckoo-pants.  He also seriously needs to fire his stylist.  Right before thanksgiving, it was believed that angry fans of "Dear Leader" hacked into Sony's most secure servers.  The hackers called themselves Guardians of Peace or "GOP."  Embarrassing exposures ranged from the new James Bond script, to tons of private Emails and some bullcrap about Alex Trebek not wanting to reshoot Jeopardy around a kid's temper tantrum.  The massive hack left Sony angry and embarrassed.  The FBI is still investigating.

            Cut to December 17^th, and several major theatre chains refused to show the film after GOP released a warning that included the message: "Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made…the world will be full of fear…remember the 11^th of September 2001."  Sony has since decided to indefinitely postpone the release of "The Interview."  So I guess that means that the terrorists got exactly what they wanted.

            Theatre chains declining to show the film include Regal, AMC, Carmike, Cineplex, and Bowtie.  I imagine more would have joined this group if Sony had not decided to pull the film altogether.  The statements from the theatres and from Sony all lamented the decision, reiterated their commitment to artistic freedom, and then said that safety was the most important thing.  Odd, because usually when people talk about America, it's the freedom that takes center stage.  Would theatres or Sony Pictures be responsible for those hurt in a terrorist attack protesting "The Interview?"  Of course not.  The terrorists would be.  But Sony is responsible for giving in to those who would use fear to gain control over others. 

            In the immediate aftermath of the Sony hack, ponderings that it may have been North Korea were quickly shouted down by both Sony and the FBI.  In recent days, Gizmodo , CNN, and Kaspersky  have all asserted North Korean involvement according to their own sources.  Internet wags have wasted no time in pointing out other times American films have mocked world leaders.  Team America: World Police spoofed Kim Jong Il relentlessly, causing controversy—but nothing that delayed the film's release.  Trey Parker and Matt Stone have never been shy about ridiculing dictators from Osama Bin Laden, to Saddam Hussein, and even showing a cartoon of the prophet Mohammed back before people were routinely murdered for doing so.

            Cynics are wondering aloud whether this is all some giant publicity stunt.  I don't see how.  I also can't see how a decision that will surely lead to massive illegal pirating could possibly be helpful to Sony.  Does anybody honestly believe they'd allow the new James Bond script to be leaked to promote a Seth Rogan movie?  No offense to Mr Rogen, but I don't fucking think so. 

            Can a company truly support freedom of artistic expression if they're pulling films because people are upset by the content?  I don't see how.  Are we really a free society when humor is stifled at the behest of terrorists?  Freer than some, perhaps, but not as free as we claim to be.  I certainly hope Sony won't keep "The Interview" under wraps for much longer.  A Video-on-Demand release seems inevitable, yet no one has confirmed that anyone is even discussing it.

            To some, a stoner comedy like "The Interview" may not be vital or important enough to warrant this kind of attention.  But that's not the point.  It's also not about whether you like James Franco, think Seth Rogan has a dumb laugh, or believe that mocking people is mean.  If pioneering smut peddler Larry Flint has taught us anything, it's that every form of expression needs to be protected, even those we don't personally like—even under the threat of arrest, censure, or terrorist threat.  Otherwise, we're not protecting freedom.  We'd just be sticking up for things we already like. 

            

I like to take walks at this time of day (6am). I took one this morning after an oddly timed nap (less than half a brownie was WAY too much, apparently). There weren't many people around except random dog walkers. I chatted with one this morning, nice guy. Nobody I'd talked to before. Then this happened:

*chat, chat, chat*

They: "Are you married?"

Me: Yes

They: "How long?"

Me: *tells him*

They: "You guys have kids?"

Me: Nope, just some cats.

They: "That's good."

Me: ... I'm sorry?

They: "I don't wanna talk out of turn, but you shouldn't be having babies with a guy who's...like that."

Me: Like what?

They: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's none of my business. You have a good day now." *walks away with dog*

Me: *thinking* WTF, seriously? If I knew the guy or knew he knew who H was, I'd assume he was racist. But I didn't know what the hell to think.

I came home and was pretty pissed off. I went into the bathroom to splash some water on me, and see that while I was napping, my recently touched up blue hair left a bit of a smear on my cheek and to the left of my eye. In low light, it looked like someone beat the crap out of my face.

So in reality, my neighbor was trying to be a nice guy. In retrospect, it would not have been ridiculous for him to have reacted even more strongly. I want to correct this impression of my wonderful husband, but I didn't even ask the guy his name--so I have no idea who he is. He's the guy with some kind of doberman mix on the other side of the complex.

Sorry, neighborman. You're alright by me!
I promise, NOBODY smacks me around.

I meant to have H take these pics and post them over the weekend. But them my weekend got kinda wild. Plus you know, I'm not in the habit of posting pics of my whole self online. As much as I talk a good game about fat acceptance, I'm still rather fearful of what haters will say to a fattie like me--because I secretly fear that whatever it is, they are right. That I'm a fatty-fatty-two-by-four (thought what the hell kind of FAT measurement that is, I do not know) who deserves a steaming cup of derision. Yeah...still working on that.


But you know what? Fuck it.
This is what I look like in my new Max pajamas.
No makeup, hell, I didn't even shower today.

And look how goddamn happy I am!

Wolf girls in da house represent!
(I uh...didn't have a scepter handy)

So yeah...I'll eat you up, and soforth.

It's come to my attention that I've been doing comics for Resilient Brainforest for 6 whole months, including the initial one-pager about fireflies rescuing their comrade who is caught in a mason jar.
I know, right? With that in mind, I've decided it's time to go ahead and post a teaser for the comic I've been doing.
Stig & the Puppetman are two serial killers who share an apartment in the Big City. Stig murders women and cooks them into stew. Puppetman drives an ice cream truck and likes to turn children into fanciful marionettes.
Every month, our fearless editor gives us a theme. I've been turning that theme into a 3-4 page comic. This month, the theme is SEX. So here's a snippet from page one:



You will note that I am not an artist, even in the loosest sense of the word. Still, I think it's pretty funny.

I think Daniel Tosh is pretty funny. I'm also a fan of Family Guy, South Park, and a few other humorous programs that are largely aimed at boys in their 20's. I further think that Trey and Matt, Seth McFarland, Dave Chapelle and Daniel Tosh are much smarter than they appear and some are masters at their particular craft. (Okay, Tosh is no John Oliver, but he's getting there.) This week, rape-victims and non rape-victims alike have raised their collective voices in declaring blood feud against Daniel Tosh after an incident during a recent stand-up gig.

Let's start with the amusing headline Daniel Tosh wishes rape on heckler, shall we? A stand up comedian is doing some stand up comedy. The comedian is Daniel Tosh, and some of the comedy is about rape. Carlin did rape jokes, as did Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Wanda Sykes, and plenty of other people whose names escape me at the moment. And some woman in the audience thought she ought to tell Tosh that "rape jokes are never funny." Apparently, she thought was the US Secretary of Comedy or some shit...

Forbidden Humor is a conversation I've had with plenty of passionate, well-meaning people of both genders. In brief, I think:
--No topic should ever be completely off limits for comedy.
--Comedy is FAR too valuable as a coping tool for anyone to create an arbitrary standard for which subjects no one may be allowed to take lightly.
--There's a difference between "this isn't funny to me" and "joking about this is morally wrong."
--Saying no subject should be off limits is NOT the same as defending any particular joke regardless of taste, hate-quotient, cruel intent, or ignorance.

As to this particular incident, I can understand why people are upset. But I reject the characterization that Tosh "wished rape" on a woman because he heckled her back. If you find tasteless jokes upsetting, going to see Tosh seems like a dumb thing to do. If you didn't know how offended you'd be, the polite thing to do is to leave quietly if it becomes too much for you. If you're SO offended that you feel you have NO OPTION other than to interrupt someone's rehearsed performance, by all means feel free to do so.
But bear in mind though that you've voluntarily climbed into the hot seat, surrounded by people who have paid good money to cheer the other guy. He has to keep control of the room or he's sunk. What kind of a reaction was she expecting? Would it have been less rude of him to tell her to go the fuck home?

So no, Tosh heckling back during a set of rape jokes does not really equal him "wishing" that some rude woman in a club gets gang raped...at least not to anyone who's ever met a human being before. We all say stupid shit when we're flustered, tired, angry, nervous, whatever. Granted, Tosh has a long history of tasteless jokes and plenty of things that anger feminists. And like my experiences with American Psycho, I can't fucking stand it when my liberal feminists pals feel like they get to judge me or label me as "part of the problem," or the omnipresent threat of unfriending all who disagree. Yeah, that's why America has free speech, so we can refuse to talk to each other like a bunch of fucking playground babies if we disagree and are also angry...that'll solve everything.

From my own experience, I've been heckled while speaking to a crowd. I heckled back, and know that someone laughed somewhere in there. After the speech, I needed to ask other people what I'd actually said because I had no fucking idea. I was so nervous I wanted to puke. I could have called my heckler a lesbian Hitler in blackface and I wouldn't have fucking remembered.

Let's look for a mo' at what this heckler had to say for herself: I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman. I don’t sit there while someone tells me how I should feel about something as profound and damaging as rape.

Ah, so essentially, she didn't want to be disruptive, she had to. Being polite was against her values...her values that said she needed to let a comedian know in the middle of his act that she didn't find him funny. And when the guy trying to perform had the nerve to disagree, her values dictated that she continued to argue with him. You know, for all rape victims everywhere...or something.

Honestly, I'm not trying to mock her. I'm trying to point out how stupid it is to make some sort of ridiculous faux stand in a rude way and then attack the performer because his off the cuff reaction was no less to your liking than his prepared remarks. No one is forcing you to hear comedy that you don't like. And comedy that you don't like isn't hurting you. And making a joke about rape isn't the same as laughing AT someone who's been raped.

Was Tosh's joke tasteless? Sure, probably. Does him making that joke necessarily mean that he delights in violent sexual assault and daydreams about his hecklers being sodomized? No.
Does this woman need to be "less sensitive?" Also No. But if she doesn't like a show, she should not see it, or protest through the usual channels, or tell Tosh after the show, or be ready for a shitstorm when she starts one.
Honestly, some of the stuff on Tosh's show grosses me out and I have to turn away lest I start gagging. See how that works, I can stop watching something instead of insisting that everything my eyes can see has to tailor itself to my specific tastes. Ahhhhhhhh...merica!

EDIT: (Saturday morning, 3:34am) I didn't think this needed explaining, but apparently it does. The Daniel Tosh you see on TV and in stand-up is a character. You know, like the way Stephen Colbert plays a character. Yes, it's a radically different character. But it's baffling to me how many people honestly think that Tosh was literally saying that he'd enjoy and find humor in a woman being violently gang raped in front of him. And more baffling considering how many of the people going batshit about it are every bit as sarcastic as Tosh. Oh, sarcasm isn't supposed to be taken literally? You don't say? I presumed that if the subject matter was uncomfortable, I was supposed to assume everything said is intended literally. Else how can I show my solidarity/support for rape victims?
I'm also growing weary of the overwhelming percentage of people who feel they must quantify their remarks by revealing whether or not they've been raped. That's just weird to me. I don't get it.

Apparently I also need to point out that I don't think rape is hilarious as a rule. I understand fully that it's a horrible thing, a serious issue, and something all men should be taught from childhood is a gross violation of the very concept of humanity. That's exactly why it can be vital to use humor to address, diffuse, and deconstruct so-called rape culture. While one could certainly argue that this was not Tosh's intention, look at the discourse that's happened due to this event. It ranges from mindless to profound, and rises to the level of a internet trollish car wreck, but people have discussed rape more in the last three days since the last time they tried to arrest Julian Assange.
And SOME people have to walk away from that with a greater understanding of the issues surrounding rape than they had going in.

I'm working on a short story for an anthology sub.
But H is hungry, and I am too, so I was taking a break to clean the kitchen before I cook the thanksgiving casserole H has been wanting for a while.
Ground chicken, various veggies, and a bag of cornbread stuffing mix with stock and everything, baked in the oven. We have mushers, broccoli, leeks and vidalias, green and yellow zucchini, that sort of thing.

Anyway, I see H at my keyboard. "Hahahaha," I joke. "So I guess now my story takes place on a spaceship and has boobs in it, right?" Mind you, I was totally kidding about H actually altering my story. He would never do that, ever.
Until today...

I sit down and see this tacked on to the end:

I woke up to the site of boobs. Boobs everywhere. I didn’t know what was going on. There [sic] size was unbelievable. I thought I must've been dreaming still. I punched myself in the face real hard to check and see; but no, I was awake. Then I realized that it must be some kind of hologram like in star trek. That, or I was on some drugs. But it didn't do drugs. That was for gays and poor people so it was the star trek thing and I thought if I was on star trek that would be sweet like the time the robot was doing it with that girl from pet sematery. She was pretty hot...

I found it chilling it its realism. LOL

I presume that most of you have heard about this thing with Michigan musician Evan Emory and his YouTube vid.

Briefly, He went to a classroom and recorded himself singing a totally appropriate kids song for a bunch of kids. This was filmed. He went back later and performed a filthy song (with no kids in the room, or in the building at all), spliced the footage, and put it on the YouTube (with disclaimers). Hilarity ensues, right? Not so much...

Mr. Emory was initially charged with a couple of felonies (including Manufacturing Child Pornography!), and they wanted to make him register as a sex offender. I've talked here several times about the sex offender registry and how it's utter bullshit designed to make people feel safer than they are. Don't leave your kids alone with ANYONE you don't know well, rather than assuming someone is safe because they aren't on some stupid fucking list. This case illustrates once again that lots of people on that registry are there for reasons that have nothing to do with children, force, or hurting anyone. Yes, you can get on it for having sex with your spouse in a car, getting caught with a prostitute, making a porno without proper permits, peeing in the park (if someone sees you), and now...singing a song.

Mr Emory is still dealing with tons of shit over this, and the parents are spouting some of the most ridiculous garbage I've ever heard. I will concede that maybe the kid's faces should have been used with permission. But that is hardly a sex crime. Here's a few bits of parental brilliance:

...when she saw her daughter's face, which appeared in the very beginning of the video, she was nearly ill. "I left work," she said, adding that she went to the school and spoke to school officials about the incident.
Translation: I was watching YouTubes instead of doing my fucking job. Then I saw something I didn't like, so I used that as an excuse to leave work. I was suddenly NOT too ill to go yell at someone who had nothing to do with the thing I'm angry about, and could have addressed with a phone call. That's how much I care.

Tony Tague said the felony charge was justifiable because the video was "disturbing" and clearly "victimized" the youngsters in the classroom.
Yes, because either the children already spend a ton of time watching filthy vids (how else would they have seen it?), or they were shown the vid by someone on purpose. Either way, WTF and that makes no sense. Maybe the kids were "victimized" the way Aspinctersayswhat victimized someone. They are the butt of a silly joke for a second...except in this case, the kids were not aware of it--or wouldn't have been, had the parents not gone batshit.

“An innocence was taken, something we as parents try very hard to keep, something we hold sacred and dear was taken from the kids.”
How so? How does this hurt the kids in any way except that instead of paying attention to them, you're focusing on this bullshit? What the hell are you ever referring to here? You *do* understand that the children did not hear the filthy song, they were home for the day when the dirty song was recorded. The song they reacted to was perfectly clean. The vid has since been removed from the internet. I can't even see it, and believe me, I'd love to.

It is well established that regardless of whether or not the comedy is to my taste, that nothing is too sacred to be the stuff of comedy. I have always said that, and I continue to say it. In this case, I can just shake my head sadly and wish that my fellow Michiganians (Michiganders?) weren't so fucking stupid.
If what they want to say is, "I'm pissed that my kid was used in this vid because I'm not comfortable with the subject matter, and I want it taken down," fine. But what they're actually saying is "This kid is a child pornographer who damaged my child and should go to prison as a sex offender so he can be raped by large men as punishment for putting my kid in an internet video that I don't like."

And that, my friends, is fuckery of the highest order.

People bitch a lot online about Free Speech. Most of them don't know what the fuck they're talking about and assert some variation of "You can't disagree with me, I have Free Speech!" They don't seem to realize that Free Speech refers to the government declaring that you are a criminal for the things you say. THIS is the kind of Free Speech we need to be protecting,the kind people want to silence because they don't happen to agree, the kind people make inflated, alarmist, absurd claims about to bolster their ignorant points. It disgusts me, frankly.

So, you parents who are SO offended? Your kids are all in therapy, right? You've taken them to a doctor to make sure their trauma is minimized? You've joined a support group for the parents of children whose innocence was stolen? You've now read numerous books on PTSD in children and are looking for someone certified in EMDR? No?
Oh, you're just sitting on your asses bitching and knowing goddamn well that unless YOU're the one traumatizing them, your kids aren't traumatized at all...so STFU plz thx bai.


On a completely unrelated topic, I finally outlined the end of The Finster Effect. This is big news, since I always have issues with deciding how things should end. I'm super stoked and should have it redrafted in a couple of weeks. Can't reveal too much now, but everything is coming together in accordance with my sinister plan(s).

I've posted before about the town of Wednesbury, pronounced "WENZ burry." Since I actually do know people in the UK, you'd think that someone would send me a sweet photo of them waving from a "Welcome to Wednesbury" sign, or some sort of arial photo that shows that the town was built in the shape of me. No dice.

But now...

I've just learned that there is a Museum and Gift Shop(pe) in Wednesbury.
And NOT ONE SINGLE ONE of YOU have sent me a gift from it.

What. The. Fuck. ???

Seriously people, I can send you American crap like Mountain Dew, Zippo lighters, or cheap Korean plastic if you want it. But I have no means to get myself any cool Wednesbury swag. And I'm not famous enough yet that people are sending me this kind of stuff "just because."
So yeah, if you guys could get on that for me, I sure would appreciate it.

And if you want to do something nice for me, but you're in America--why don't you sucker punch the next 5 people you hear using the expression "Hump Day." I despise that expression.

That's right, I have promised the world A Spoonful of Murder in five days, and that is what I shall give them. I've been editing my ass off in GarageBand, putting together some awesome (if marginally recorded) audio performances with tons of original music (and some Beethoven that is "just" an original performance) and a few cool sound effects. FYI, my next signing is THIS SATURDAY at Michigan Theatre in Jackson. Doors open at 10pm, Reading and Q&A roundabout 10:30. Rocky Horror Picture Show starts at 11:30pm. (Admission $10) Hope to see one or more of you there!

A couple people went way over and beyond in terms of helping out and giving freely of their time on this disc. Other people flaked on me to varying degrees. I got today off work (meaning that I now have to work the DAY OF my signing) to edit some stuff that I'm now not actually getting until tomorrow...or even Wednesday. That is sucky. Because despite my actually NOT being a huge procrastinator (this time) I'm still way behind and stressed out about it. So that elicits both a Yay! and a Fie!

H brought me breakfast from Panera Bread. There was am asiago bagel sammy with bacon, egg and cheese. AND a spinach and artichoke souffle. Needless to say, that is actually two meals. Just over half of each is waiting for me to finish this post so that it can be eaten by me. Yay! Panera breakfast can tell McDonalds breakfast to STFU.
H went out to get the latest issue of this because it has some code for his Star Trek game in it. Original uniforms, I think. They didn't have it. Fie. Small gestures like this remind me about the myriad ways that H makes my life better. Not only is he unfailing hardworking, moral, loving, and kind; but he makes me aspire to be all these things as well. He's great. When I see how many people merely settle for their partners, it makes me feel sad...and damn lucky.

You may have heard that we now have Health Care Reform. It comes in the form of NO public option. You know what? I'll take it. Simply forcing insurance companies to NOT blatantly fuck us over will help a lot of people very much. This was probably the best we could hope for, considering how some people are so very sure that *gasp* they might be paying to help people who aren't them--and that is, for some reason, unacceptable. Some people really would rather marginalize ALL poor people than "allow" someone to have something they don't think is "deserved." Apparently promoting general welfare does not include anything beyond the legal right to collect and employ leeches. :-/ That may be because most teabaggers don't even know what the hell they're protesting. Or it may be because people don't want to be "forced" to pay for things they don't want.
That's why MY taxes shouldn't go to: foreign wars, corporate bailouts, abstinence-only education, busting potheads, schools for kids I don't even have, firemen for people in houses I don't live in, police I don't even call (very often), or health care for members of congress. Oh wait, I don't get to pick everything my taxes go to...maybe I should fly into some building in Texas. Goodness knows if I don't, Barack the Magic Negro will take my guns, kill my grandmother, and make me be an atheist Nazi Muslim who gets government funded abortions all day and enables terrorists by refusing to torture them all night.
But I digest [sic].

Because every Monday post should end with something amazing: Falafel Waffles. Complete with bonus tips on easily peeling garbanzo beans for the smoothest hummus EVAR. It's making me want to cab it to the grocery store right now. But no, tonight is salmon and risotto with mushroom and mustard greens. Mmmmm... H wanted alfredo pasta. While I see his point, that's a tad indulgent even for us. ;-]

Need more Awesome in your day?
Here's some nerdy humor that works on many levels:


My thought for the week: Why settle for something "fine," when with a little extra effort (okay, maybe a LOT of extra effort) you can make something extraordinary. Duh, right? But you'd be surprised how often I'm tempted to do an okay job at something and be done with it. Not author stuff, but other stuff.

When I was a kid, I used to write a lot of poetry. It was mostly angsty stuff dealing with my suffering, and sadness over some jackassy man boy who was too stupid to see my inner beauty. Most of it sucked, but there was an occasional intriguing poetical insight. Frankly, I haven't pulled my high school poetry journal off the shelf in quite some time. I'm almost afraid to for fear of being assaulted by the emo (even though when this stuff was written, some 20+ years ago, "emo" was that nerdy comedian with the funny haircut--he had a cameo in UHF). It wasn't actually it's own genre (milieu?) yet. I used to shove my poetry notebook du jour into the faces of anyone and everyone willing to read it. I'm pretty sure I bored the hell out of people in my desperate attempts to show off how creative and wonderful I was. Some of those people were teachers who actually told me that I should try to be a professional writer. Too bad I forgot to listen until I was almost 35.
Anyway, ladyteal, a truly remarkable pagan lady (and published poet), is doing a thing where you write 100 poems in 100 days. As you may know, I am a fan of using arbitrary goals as a motivational tool. That's why all 3 of my published novels were written for the NaNoWriMo (though Cat's Apprentice was finished under the Zokutou clause). And if someone else is checking my progress from time to time, so much he better for keeping me working. I haven't written poetry since my ill-fated zombie rock opera from the mid-1990's. I bet if I applied myself, I could write 100 poems in 100 days and churn out maybe, 20-30 that do not completely suck. Since my last poetry writing excursion, I like to think I've developed some skill; not just basic wordsmithery, but some insights into the human condition and into my own strengths and weaknesses. So I'm gonna go for it.
For the most part, I'll be posting the 100 poems in wednes_writes unless I come up with anything I need you all to see. I joined 100poems, perhaps I will make use of that also, even though I generally hate networking with other writers**. It starts tomorrow. Maybe I'll write a short story in poem form. I anticipate a lot of blank verse, but hopefully I can do some formal rhyme and meter stuff as well.

H is in the process of designing my new business cards. You may recall that my publisher changed our web address, basically negating all the advertising I've done up to this point: press packets, swag, free book giveaways, TV commercial, etc. Plus I need all new business cards. Turns out, they are having a special where i can get full color cards for the same price as B&W. So I'm figuring out the best way to use color in what is already an effective design. As usual uterdic came up with a smashing idea that I'll be sharing with the all of you's as soon as it's done. They will be the best business cards in the history of mankind. But I don't want to oversell it. H is just so monsterously talented.





**I don't want to network with anyone whose work I don't enjoy. And I'm sorry, but there are a LOT of shitty writers out there getting published by tiny houses like mine. Since I'm a picky snob with an enormous sense of intellectual vanity, attempts at networking tend to end up with me avoiding people so I don't have to tell them I dislike their work. Even when people ask for critique, they always seem to get offended by mine. Frown.

There are a couple of good looking Zombie movies coming out soon. Plus, I guess there's a new one from George Romero. Ba-ZING! That's right, I just pwnd Romero. Night and Dawn are two of the best zombie--nay, horror films in the history of films. For serious. But I can't tell you the last time I said "Hmmm...think I'll watch Day of the Dead today." Doesn't happen. IMHO they just get worse from there. For me, zombies are so freakin' scary that you don't have to try very hard to scare me with them. But there are so many hundreds of terrible zombie movies out there. And most of them aren't even made by Uwe Boll. People will insist on destroying the things I love.
Could be worse, I could be a Vampire fan. ;-[

I'm working tomorrow. Now that I only work one Saturday a month, I hate having to go in on Saturdays. Odd because I've worked EVERY Saturday at pretty much any other job I've ever had.

I have a rather intense girl-crush on Helena Bonham Carter. Not sure what took me so long. I was resistive to her in the beginning because a) most of her characters didn't really resonate with me b) Tim Burton put her in EVERY goddamn movie he made for like, 200 years straight. Now she does all kinds of chicks I love like Mrs Lovett and Bellatrix. I'm stoked as hell to see her as the Red Queen.

In re: the "profiling" cop and the Harvard professor? I think it's very reasonable for a cop to ask a guy in a house for ID when he's responding to a call about a suspected robbery. This situation just sounds like two guys acting like dicks than anything racially motivated. I bet they're each good guys put on edge; which led to them both being reactive rather than rational. Too bad. I do think the cop should be held to a higher standard than an average citizen. Most of us don't get to be our full, genuine self when we're working. We edit ourselves in the name of professionalism.
Yeah, cops make me uncomfortable, but I'm polite because it's stupid not to be. And yeah, a cop can arrest you for not showing him ID and getting belligerent, but should he? Prolly not. I'm glad to know they'll be getting together with Obama for a beer to sort it all out. I'm sure that after that happens, racism will be over and I can take H to meet my parents. Or not.

Talked to my new editor via the Electronic Mail. She seems pretty smart. I'm annoyed that she wants the manuscript split up into chapters and sent as separate documents. There are 67 chapters. C'mon. And she can't open zip files for some reason I can't fathom. Frown. Anyway, I'm turning it in on Monday or more likely Sunday night. I have no idea what I'll be working on next. I'll surely be taking a writing break to get some books read and some movies watched.

I totally lifted this from eroslane a while ago and never reposted it:
Click to Embiggen (and increase cromulence, obviously):

I'm up late tonight dicking around on the internets, trying in vain to get away from the constant influx of horrible news. I was looking around on Facebook and inadvertently came across a chick I used to work with, who I call The Evil Witch. She's a witch, and she's evil. (You have to specify that because most witches are good.) She actually made one of the necklaces (my natal astrological chart, in necklace form) I wear--it took me many months of cleansing and spellwork to get all the Evil off it.

( Some tangenty background, read only if you like WTF kind of things. ) I googled her and found that she did a book review for some Christian book written by a guy she knows. I clicked over to the book on Amazon to check it out.

Here's the crazy part:
The author has commented on EVERY negative review, even arguing with the reviewers. There do not appear to be any discussions on the five-star reviews. He even gives people shit for using screen names--on the internets! As I fancy myself a writer, I am both amused and appalled. I've been very lucky thusfar in that no one has left me a truly shitty review anywhere. I didn't love the three and a half stars (out of five) I got from Withersin Magazine but I still thanked them for taking the time to review me. And when their editor posted the reviews on Amazon as only THREE stars even, I didn't say a word. It just seemed petty to complain about half a star, even though I did feel some annoyance about it. I figured if I was going to be a writer, that was something I just had to accept.

It would never occur to me to confront a stranger about his or her taste in books, especially my own books. I do know of one person who strongly disliked my first book and I don't even think she finished it. She's a straight laced conservative chick, not really my target audience. As she bought the first book and didn't like it, I gave her a freebie of my next book. She enjoyed it and thanked me by posting a nice Amazon review.

Seriously though, leave it to a "devout Christian" to tell a stranger that their feelings about something intensely personal are "wrong" or "incorrect." The nerve! And then to throw out what I'm sure Christians must call "the S bomb." Telling a Christian they're Satan because you disagree with them appears to equate with the secular "once you call someone Hitler, you've pretty much destroyed any hope you had of appearing rational" theory.

Then again, maybe I'm just being a judgmental jerk about this.
People who see disagreement as personal insult bug the hell out of me in the first place.
Whenever a famous person reacts badly to critics, they usually come off looking like a crybaby jerk.
Look at Sarah Palin for crissake. She wants to be the Commander in Chief but cries to the press because Obama won't do anything about the mean old bloggers who keep picking on her children. Oh NOES!1!

I'd love some input from you writers, artists, movie makers, and others of you out there who produce things which are experienced viscerally. Ever confront someone who didn't like your work? Why or why not?

Maybe this makes me a terrible person, but I found a fair amount of funny in this.

Discuss.

Good god, is there anything more satisfying than watching Jon Stewart tear some dickhead a new asshole?
If there is, I don't wanna know about it.

And I will be very surprised if this Cramer cat still has a job in the morning.

I'm organizing the Secret Santa gift exchange at work. I'm somewhat vexed at the thought that not everyone, or even most people, want to participate. How can a work-related holiday gift exchange possibly not be fun? I don't get it.

Finally got to watch Tropic Thunder last night. Reminds me of how much I love Ben Stiller and his amazing grasp of what's funny. Even Jack Black was utlized in such a way so as not to annoy or irritate me. So that was cool. I enjoyed the movie very much although I was fairly certain someone would die--no one did.

Played Xbox and Wii yesterday, pretty much all day. Cooking Mama is enormous fun. And I'm pretty good at Kung Fu Panda game, even though that also has Jack Black in it. Actually, I also finished baking my holiday cookies. I think I'm going to do a small batch of cherry chocolate chip cookies for work. I have a can of tart cherries I think will be delicious in it. Today will be more zombie bashing and shooting after work. Yay!!

I want you all to know that I called Ben's sinister plan right after ( fine, I'll cut for spoilers )

On a completely unrelated topic, John Oliver is a cutie patootie (in addition to being poignant, well-spoken, and goddamn hilarious).
I'm declaring it. Watch his stand up special and tell me I'm wrong.

And if his middle name isn't "Cornelius" what is it?



My exhaustive search for a new backpack purse is at an end. I don't have it yet, but I finally found the one I want. I've been looking for a decent black backpack purse ever since the one I currently carry got a giant rip in it. It's literally wearing thin and the straps are ready to snap at any moment. I was totally bummed because I really liked that bag. absinthofheart gave it to me too! I bought a few backpack purses online, but they were cheap crap. I returned two of them and gave another one to S, the daughter of absinthofheart. So I'm quite pleased to have found a good one. I wish it didn't cost $70, but if it does a good job, it will be totally worth it. I think in a month or so when I get some book monies, I'm going to buy it.

Here are the most important things going on in the world, in my humble opinion:

Thing #1: Goth kids, poets, and smartass intellectuals alike will be thrilled to know that the prototype for that poster in your dorm has been recovered. Take THAT, Guernica!! As a fellow bi-polar person, I enjoy Edvard's work very much. For your looking pleasure, here are some small versions of two of my favorites:

	The Kiss Oil paint.
	Murderer This was my desktop wallpaper for a very long time.

I always forget if Munch is considered expressionism or impressionism. I know that impressionist paintings are supposed to have been painted in under an hour, but I wasn't there when he painted most of them. ;-] His work incorporated lots of symbolism, and sometimes naturalism--although I like that a bit less. I mean, Picasso painted lifelike stuff but that was never as good as the cubist stuff IMHO. Murderer is an especially good painting because it's scary, sad, and disturbing all at once. You can see the horror, the remorse, and the road. Munch loves to paint people on roads.

The Scream is the piece that people love best, I think because it speaks to that part of us that we don't often articulate. It's supposedly a picture of his nervous breakdown, and I admit that if I look at this painting in just the right mood, it will move me to tears. There is such torment in it, and it's sad that it's been marketed to the point where it becomes the stuff of parody. Even though most people don't have nervous breakdowns, I think they are familiar with at least the fleeting feeling that they it's always possible.

Madonna was also recovered (did you even know it was gone?). I'm not posting a pic of it, because I don't care for it much. For one thing, I hate the color scheme. And for another, I have no idea what he's trying to convey with it--it's just a naked chick. I guess I do like some art even when I can't figure it out, but not this one. That's just how I roll.

Thing #2: FEEDBACK!!!!!!

Thing #3: This isn't new news or anything, but I think Tony's Law is funny every time I encounter it.

Thing #4: It has come to my attention that people in the UK do not watch SNL because they can't. So they are just now finding out about Colonel Angus and how one cures a fever with more cowbell. I only hope that they get Celebrity Jeopardy out thataway!

Thing #5: I'm supposed to be thinking of ways to have fun that do not include...you know, stuff I'm not supposed to do. So I ask you, what's something you do that's fun that doesn't cost anything, doesn't require transportation, and is actually fun and not lame? Let's hear it.

Irony or Sarcasm? You Decide!

This Could Happen to YOU!! If you get hurt on ID4 (yeah, they changed it) by being wasted and playing sparklers or bottle rocket, everyone will hate you. And nobody want's that--so for Wednes' sake, be careful!!! And call me if you're doing anything fun, as H and I have no plans! ;-}

So America, on your Special Day, know that I, wednes am

Because if you can't say it with glitter, it probably isn't very important.


And while I'm here, I have another Superman related question:
How come you can always tell that Superman has fillings in his molars?
Should he have, like SuperTeeth?

I don't know why, but I was so taken with this pic from sudrin's work webcam that I had to share it with you all.
Cute, no?

Dave sleeping on the job.

You can't see it from this picture, but he's remarkably competant and cool. ;-}


Psst. Dave, if you don't want this posted publicly, let me know.

Okay, I'll talk briefly about the Oscars. But I'm not going to mention any awards except that hilarious rap band who acted like they were at the Mtv music awards instead of the Oscars. That was awesome, and then the Queen of Latifia gave them their little gold guy, and I thought they might light up a spliff right then and there. But then they would be steroetypes...

My beloved Jon Steward was quite good. Although the opening jokes were not very funny. It took him a little while to get past all that shit some non-daily show staffer wrote for him. I hope he doesn't let outsiders write his material anymore. I realize that the Academy Awards joke writers are probably not "outsiders" in the traditional sense. But if they make Jon Stewart seem unfunny, they clearly suck at what they do. Jon Stewart can call someone a dick on their own show and it's still funny. Honest. I've seen it. ;-}

Speaking of funny, I've got two words for you: Ben. Stiller.
Best presenter EVER. Although I did have to give it up for whoever came up with the Carrell/Farrell makeup bit. Ha HA!

We had a few select people over here. And the hilarious kindofblue328 tricked us by getting us to stock up on vegan food and then didn't show up. So all those veggies and hommus and etc were eaten in your absense. We missed you, Todd. Luckily, the girl we are trying to set you up with did not make it either. Thankfully, the pita chips made it here safely.

I've rediscovered that yoga works much better when I do it for a full half hour and not five minutes. Go figure. I just think I should put my money where my mouth is where it pertains to excersize and such. I'm making a yummy soup tonight, modified from one I saw on Rachel Ray show. She's a good one, so spunky. And my back feels pretty good because of the iyengar yoga. I could do that downward-facing-dog six times a day...it's so excellent.

I wish H would come home, so's we can go to the grocery store. I have no idea where he is, since he wasn't here when I woke up. We never seem to go until the afternoon, then the place is swarming with old people and moms with screaming kids everyone seems to be able to hear except them. My new passive aggressive way to deal with that is to just start screaming to H about stuff I want. And when H gets all embarased and tells me to be quiet; I can loudly proclaim that I'm just keeping up with the noise. You know, like when you're telling a cop why you were speeding on the expressway...keeping up with the flow of traffic and such. I never get to say that, because I don't drive.

Oh yeah, Harrry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie comes out tomorrow. I also recently got all the Jim Dale audiobooks. They are good as hell. Wheee! I better enjoy them, since that's the last Harry Potter think being released this year. Fie!

So I said to H, "Hey, the new moon is coming up."

And he says, "I should hope so, this one sucks."



hahahahahaha!!







And later...pics of my new glasses and the rings I got for Valentines Day (since I never showed you guys)!!

OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!!

Thanks to symphy for alerting me to this delightful news:
Jonathan Stewart Leibowitz to host this years Academy Awards.

In a related story, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg seen drinking heavily @ La Caverna.


I'm not especially looking forward to the Daily Show jones I'll surely have while he takes time off to prepare. I daresay I've been missing my fake news over the holidays. But this will surely be the best Oscars EVER. I might even have people over.

Oh man...I'm sitting here watching this Nigel Marvin thing about sea monsters. It's really well done and I was totally sucked into it. However, they just showed a megalodon and they had it look just like a Great White. Sorry to say that the lastest science suggests that the megalodon is actually closer related to the Tiger, or perhaps even the Bull shark. I hope it's not the bull, those were the most aggressive. Although I suppose the chances of my running into one are scarce at best.

I went ahead and signed up at NaNoWriYe again. Hopefully I will fare better this year than last. I was pretty pumped last year after winning NaNoWriMo my first time out, so I wanted to keep going. But there was a bunch of stupid admin drama and then a bunch of shoddy-ass moderation and community organization. It was kind of a mess. Plus I was writing about Clarence for awhile and that didn't really gt off the ground because of all that happened.

K and N were over on Saturday. We finally watched Kinsey, which was excellent. Funny, poignant, and kind of sad. Lots of great performances and did I mention that it was funny? Well, sex is funny and movies are often funny, so I guess that all stands to reason. Chris O'Donell called his wife in the movie a "prick nibbler". Can you imagine? It was hilarious.

I bought H this Akira Special Edition thing from ebay. It looked fine to me, but then I found out that later the auction was cancelled and the seller banned. The worse part? I did the "buy it now" option, so I've already paid for and recieved it. I'm fairly sure I was swindled, because it didn't come in a tin like it was supposed to. It was shrink wrapped and I didn't want to open it because it was a gift. I suspect though, that it is a copy or something.
Actually, I thought it was okay because of the shrink-wrap; which is silly of me since I already know from my BBuster days that any idiot can shrink-wrap anything if s/he has access to the machine. I don't even have the email anymore (I deleted it when the item arrived, shinkwrapped).
So I guess I'm just boned. I thought I'd just give H the thing early and tell him what happened. It's a drag though, I'm working my ass off to make him a bountiful, gifty, Xmas because he so deserves it. I still have not secured purchase of GTA for PSP and Resident Evil 4 for PS2. So I'm kinda bummed about that, too. I hope they are not too hard to find, otherwise he'll get a gift certificate, and who knows what he'll buy with it. Maybe something without any zombies in it. *gasp*

Oh man...they just put a crittercam on the megalodon. Amazing!!!

I'm sure you all remember the creeped out vacation pics I posted a few days ago. Turns out, it was a hilarious joke played on me by Nate. And I must confess, he got me good. However, I don't recall ever pranking him in any way, at any time. I suppose that means that I owe him a good pranking.

*rubs hands together menacingly*

Thankfully, the untouched pics of the vacation finally arrived. So as not to bore you, I'm only posting the ones of me. You will be glad to know that these pics have not been tampered with in any way.

Self Portrait Here is a cute pic I snapped of myself. I just love being alone in the woods.

Art House Pic This pic is in black & white so it's more artsy. Nothing fancy, just me enjoying some yummy water.

Me, steering a boat Those of you who know me, know that I never drive anything. But my foray into driving the boat went well, except that Nate kept trying to get me to look in the water; presumably so that I would lose focus. Here's me telling him that he can't fool me for a second.

It seems abundantly clear that a good time was had by me; and in the end, isn't that what really matters?