I want to talk about grammar. I do that every now and again. I'm well aware that new technology unfailingly brings with it dissenters who rail on with doomsday scenarios about how this cool new thing will destroy us all. I understand that, and I understand that such things should be approached with a fuckton of skepticism. I say this, freely admitting that if something makes sense to me, I'm less likely to be skeptical.

I am genuinely concerned that the Internets are destroying proper grammar. It honestly appears as if things like capitalization, punctuation, verb/subject agreement, and how many dots in an ellipse have eluded far too many people who insist on using written communication despite their lack of skill in it. Go to Lamebook; you will vomit.

It's good for a laugh when someone insists that "We speak enlish in ARE country [sic]." Are people really deciding that the way you use the (or misuse) language should not be a factor in how seriously we take your statement as a whole? Please say it hasn't. I want to be assured that on college applications, resumes, legal correspondence, etc that people are still required to use proper English. Of course, that's if you want to call the midwest American bastardization of the Queen's language...it's a wonder John "Cornelius" Oliver hasn't bitch-slapped every last one of us on her behalf.

I'm not talking about typos, even numerous typos. I'm certainly guilty of them, even with the miracle of spell check. In fact, spell check makes us lax. Not being sentient, it simply doesn't know what we're trying to say. If you're trying to masticate and it comes out massacre, I have to wonder how your grandmother is going to take that. At the very least, she'd think you didn't have good attention to detail. LOL I'm talking about people who aren't even trying. Why aren't they trying? How do we make them try? Why isn't it common knowledge that we try in order to respect our reader--so they don't have to get a headache from trying to figure out what the hell we're trying to say? I feel like I'm taking CRAZY PILLS.

I thought this was limited to kids. It's not. Lots of kids do this, but plenty of kids type just fine and use proper English, maybe with a bit o' slang. But who doesn't, right? I suspect that a lot of kids are doing it on purpose, but I'd be curious to know how many of them really think there's a word spelled L-U-D-A-C-R-I-S.

I was chatting with the husband of a former classmate on Facebook recently. He was about my age. Not knowing who he was, I expressed surprise at finding out he was a native English speaker. His language skills were just that horrible. His response? This is Facebook, not a writing class. Am I the only one who understands that the purpose of a writing class is so you can learn how to communicate properly OUTSIDE of writing class? It's to teach you a skill you can then utilize out in the world. Do some people honestly believe we only do things if we're being evaluated or praised for them? It's like when people say "If you're an atheist, how come you're not out robbing and killing people." As if a fear of divine punishment is the only reason not to do these things. Grrr?!? Communicating is one of, if not the most important thing we do in our lives. As my prof Wally used to say, "Communication is an intentional, transactional, symbolic process used to manage one's environment." That THAT, Guernica!

I know some of you are with me on this. Are we in actual danger of losing our connection with proper grammar, spelling, etc? I recognize that language evolves, and that texting changed things. But if you've got a QWERTY board, you really have no excuse, even if it's on your phone. Try. Just...try. If you've got time to post to the internet what you had for lunch, you have time to write the words "tuna melt."